right then

so i had planned to post an actual update a couple months ago and alas...the long ass entry i was writing got lost on a hard drive that died. i may try to recover it through some crazy engineering means but for now, i'll give the ultra-super-abridged version. my apologies to those expecting a lot of detail...i don't feel like writing a post that would take me more than 30 minutes to write. my previous copy was taking more than 5 hours and that's pretty ridiculous. yes i know i have a lot to write about and i'll try to make it as concise as possible.

my last entry was around august of 2007 mostly involving my friend, Jeremy's, wedding in Omaha, Nebraska as well as my ever ongoing development of various neuroses. can you believe it's been almost 3 years since i've had a real entry? and when i say "you" i mean "no one really" since i haven't posted a real entry since and i'm sure any of the few readers i had are now long gone.

these are generally in chronological order but there are some overlaps...continuing on...

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the wedding in Nebraska was a lot of fun. i did get my fair share of stares from the locals because: 1) i'm asian, 2) with blond hair, 3) with more than 2 piercings. despite that, my friends and i had copious amounts of fun with copious amounts of alcohol. it was good times filled with good memories, great laughs, and funny video clips. no i'm not posting them. and Southwest Airlines sucks.

around the time of the wedding, i'd started my last year of school at Manhattan College. now i've never really been an ideal student...far from it. i may have been an ideal student when i was younger, but my years between high school and Manhattan College really affected me adversely. in any case, i was getting sick and tired of being a professional student. why did i become so non-ideal as a student? probably because i've never really been a book person. i can't really do the studying too well. i learn best through experience and hands-on work. i've also had my share of personal and financial issues to drive me I-N-S-A-N-E-! not only that, but i don't think many engineers really get lessons on social aspects. i say this because most of the engineering students i know or have met have been socially weird in some way or another. some as smart as hell but that's about it. for instance, i know of one classmate who went to a job interview, passed the initial and technical interviews with flying colors, but failed the last interview because he couldn't hold a conversation. "how ridiculous is that?" you might ask? well not as ridiculous as you'd think. social interactions are very important for many in the workplace. not only for communication of ideas from one person to the next but also in terms of friendly interactions. in any case, i found that i valued my social interactions much more than many aspects of my college education.

most of the school year went by with minor irritations from teachers and higher ups as they constant beat the shit out of me...but that's expected for any student majoring in engineering. the first semester of the last year wasn't nearly as horrendous as my last semester. by the time the last semester came up, i was 20 credits down from graduating and "limited" in how many credits i could take. i had to appeal to a few people to let me take more credits than i was "allowed" since i was basically out of money and needed to be done. i would be "done one way or another" i would tell people. either i would graduate or i would not finish because money is the devil. so the semester started and i found myself with a heavy course load...which was 21 credits. "21 credits! wow dude, that's a lot!" would be the comment response to such a thing. however, what most people don't know is that for any engineering student, 18 credits is considered "crazy." so what then is 21? ABSOLUTE INSANITY! especially since all but 3 of those credits are technical/major specific classes which are engineering classes. the other 3 was an english class i've been trying to take for years and finally got in.

now this is where a major problem arose. some of the "higher ups" were expecting me to do extremely well that particular semester. i can say i definitely tried despite the extremely heavy course load. however, there was one particular teacher that seemed to take some of my "actions" personally and seemingly tried to keep me from graduating. i won't name any names or go into too much detail but...the basic gist is: i wasn't “doing enough work for the class” and “missing too many classes even though i had bronchitis. oh and you, the teacher, reduced the number of classes two days per week instead of three because you ‘didn’t want to come in early.’ oh and attendance isn’t mandatory anyway” and “was trying to glide by.” i suppose through certain perspectives, that might be true. however, i had proof of valid reason for my “missing classes” documented with the school and much of my work had a lot of the solution and methods shown. unfortunately, this particular teacher had apparently taken some of my “reasons” as personal insults to her or something and determined that i had not done enough work for the class despite doing more work than the two other students (it was a small class) on the last assignment. so she failed me for the course. the chairman of my department, the awesome person he is, convinced her to instead give me an incomplete for the course as long as i did extra work. fine by me even though i spoke to one of the other guys in the class and even he admitted i did more work than he did and she passed him. this unfortunately led to another issue. communication...

my teacher had left me two things to do. one was a problem set which was very similar to the last homework due. fine, i could do that. second was a computer program of one of the class’ topics. this particular topic being “RSA” which is encryption and decryption. it also had to be done in the particular way explained in class which included mathematical ideas that left loopholes in the code. i should also mention at this point that the RSA aspect of it was just done on paper in the class...and now i had to write computer code for it. would i have a problem with this? yes. why? because the class was a junior level class. writing an RSA program is beyond junior level studies. i was told by the teacher to “write the program as a graduating senior should write one” which baffled me since if it was introduced in a junior level class...why did i have to program it as a graduating senior should? i think you might see the problem with this. not only that, but my programming skills, as taught by my school, were already woefully inadequate for both this topic and also the particular “style” she wanted me to do it in. as bothered as i was by her “request,” i successfully programmed this RSA code for her exactly as she asked. another issue was the problem set she left me. as i said, it was almost similar to the last homework set she’d given us. the major issue was that half of the problems were incomplete. meaning that crucial information was missing. so i e-mailed my teacher asking for the missing information. i even drew pictures of the problems (as they were graphs) and highlighted areas where the information was missing. 2 days go by...no response. i send another e-mail. another 3 days go by...no response. another e-mail...another lack of response after a week. now months pass and my “May 2008” diploma has now turned into a “September 2008” diploma. why such a long response? according to a source in her department, “she was too lazy to read her e-mail.” WHAT?! even some of those “higher ups” were giving me grief for not finishing the work soon enough. what BS is that?! so i showed one of these “higher ups” my proof that i had tried contacting my teacher and that i had no response. it was even admitted that there was missing information and that i could not complete the problems because of it. also noted was the fact that i had tried numerous times months before to get the information and i heard nothing. but still...too much time had passed and my May diploma had turned into a September diploma. even the process of getting my grade changed was an issue. when all the work was finally “completed” and submitted, she even admitted she didn’t know the answers as she hadn’t worked the problems out herself. gimme a break! i had to remind her to submit a grade on two separate occasions since the deadline for the September diploma was coming really close. the last response about that was “Oops, I haven’t submitted the form, yet, but I will. All is well.” uh NO! All is not well! it actually prevented me from applying to jobs that summer. i was not pleased. but in any case, the work was done and the diploma i had worked so...semi-hard for...was finally mine.

addendum: i do realize that as this is my journal, it shows my perspective and mine alone. so then this whole situation with the last semester’s “irritation” might just be my skewed version of “what really happened.” i do assure you few/none readers that it is accurate. the teacher doesn’t have a good track record at the school and many, many students have complained about her in the past and still do to this day. she is known to be a horrendous teacher that hands out “so-so” grades and none of her students actually learn anything because they are constantly correcting her during class. i still have proof of my issues with her. links and proof available upon request. :)

additional addendum: if the teacher mentioned above somehow finds this and reads it, as my journal is public, then i’d like you to know that you should be ashamed of yourself. a college institution should be preparing students for the future. both their futures and the future of the world since you also teach engineering students. if a math/engineering student takes a class, learns, and doesn’t get things quite right...then it’s a general learning experience that can be refined by time and practice. however, if they do not learn because they are not taught properly, there are dire consequences for even the simplest mistakes especially when it comes to engineers. they make something and forget something crucial...people can die from it. you are the reason i will never give Manhattan College money. you are also the reason why numerous math/science/engineering students, to this day, are avoiding any classes you teach...even at the risk of delaying their graduation.

i should mention briefly that i wasn’t quite pleased at my graduation either. i was able to attend the ceremony, or “walk” as they call it, along with the other 2008 graduates. in attendance were my father, grandmother, and step-mother...who stayed just long enough to see that my name was actually called and i walked passed them down the isle. they left at that point. how depressing is that? oh, it also rained. depressed². and despite the fact that the previous two years, i’d attended the graduations of many friends who had graduated before me...none of them were there when i graduated. depressed³. i guess i didn’t really expect any of them to come by and see me...but it would’ve been nice...

now to find a job...oh wait...

THERE AREN’T ANY JOBS!

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so i spent a good deal of the summer of 2008 looking for potential jobs but not yet applying to any due to my diploma-less state. once i got my diploma, i was applying in earnest. and got nothing. i think from that point in the summer of 2008 to now, the summer of 2010...i’ve only been on 4 interviews. which i will now describe:

first interview with my friend, Dan, and his company which does closed captioning for TV. the interview was on long island during september of 2008, which was a bit of a trek for me but i made it. the interview went well as i spoke to one of the programmers and my friend’s aunt, who holds a pretty high position. i did very well during the interview, did ok on the technical aspect, but eventually got beat out by someone who had a little more experience than i did. ah well. at least i was told i did extremely well during the interview.

second interview was with another friend’s company in october of 2008. his company does environmental control for construction. my interview was with my friend himself, he’s around 52 now, and his boss...the president of the company. WHOA! the position was for a database manager as the current employee, at the time, was apparently crazy and kept a gigantic excel spreadsheet that only she knew how to use...they figured it was time for someone new who wouldn’t be a liability to the company. again, i did extremely well during the interview but again, was beat by a senior java programmer who was previously making 6 figures but got laid off and was willing to take a 50% pay cut to work for them. wait a minute...did that mean i would’ve potentially made at least 50k a year? well it doesn’t matter since i didn’t get the job. i was glad that my friend and the president of the company got someone who could do the job well even if it wasn’t me. i’m like that sometimes...


...stop looking at me like that...


third interview was for a temporary position at Under Armour’s seasonal NYC store at some point in the fall of 2009...which i never got a call or e-mail back despite my being much more experienced than many of the other applicants who were there. screw it.

fourth interview, the most recent in april 2010, was a paid internship position with the NYC Department of Transportation. that interview went extremely well and when the found out the exact starting date and hourly wage, they gave me the position, which was in late may. this was until the next day when someone higher up did a background check and found out i was ineligible for the internship because i am not a full time student nor a graduate student. this didn’t come up until last minute. the reason for this “oversight” was the lady who interviewed me, extremely nice lady by the way, had received a stack of resumes from one of her superiors and was told that everyone in that stack was eligible for the internship and they could pick whomever they wanted. so they started calling people and interviewing people and they thought i was perfect for the position even if it was even only for the summer with the potential for more afterwards. unfortunately...my resume was not supposed to be in that stack in the first place. so even though they wanted me to be there...the couldn’t give me the position. so they gave me the position one day and took it away from me the next. hrm...

and now i’m still seeking for a job...school’s out of the picture for now. oh wait i have to talk about that school thing too...


so in the beginning of 2009, my father offered me a part time job doing data entry for him in his office. he’s an accountant. to put it simply, the job was easy...tedious...but easy. and i worked for him for a while. i’m leaving this part vague as there’s really not much to tell since it was just data entry. i do have to say that my father and i did have a fair share of arguments over stupid stuff but that’s how we are sometimes...just happens that way. but at some point during the year, i decided to go back to school. i had tossed the idea around a bit about going back to school but was only now (being the year 2009 and still seriously jobless) considering it. what i wanted to study was biomedical engineering and the best place, and cheapest place, for me to do so was at City College in manhattan. now...as much as i wanted to learn about this wonderful field of biomedical engineering, i do have to say that i would’ve ideally gone back to school to study it if i had both the time and money to do so. unfortunately my case was the complete opposite and the basis for my doing so at that point was to delay the student loans. those bastards can be quite nasty when they want to collect. so i went back for a year. i got in, after a huge hassle that i really don’t wanna remember, and started in the fall of 2009. however, i was quite disappointed with the teachers/classes there. i think that’s primarily due to most of the teachers being there as associate professors who teach at numerous schools. also, quite frankly, some of the teachers i had, were extremely poor teachers. while registering for classes a few days before the semester started, i was unfortunately left with what some would call, “the bottom of the barrel” for teachers so naturally i wasn’t left with many good options for teachers. why didn’t i register earlier? well that was part of the “hassle i really don’t wanna remember” as the school kept shuffling my paperwork around and some of it got lost. so the first semester didn’t go as well as i would’ve liked. the second semester either for that matter. things started getting worse for me personally the second semester. bronchitis again and an overwhelming period of depression left me in a somber mood 36 hours a day. yes that’s right...thirty six. that means that some points of each day, i was double depressed. so...where i stand with school is that i don’t care. i’ve struggled with school in the past while having ridiculous personal and financial issues and the same thing is happening now. at least i have my degree...so i’m not losing much but now i’m a bit more in debt...such is life. now back to the job search...

OH LOOK!!! STILL NO JOBS!

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on another note. i am officially an uncle. my little sister, Lissette, gave birth to a baby girl on May 21st, 2010. i can’t even say how happy i am for my little sister. though i had hoped to be a father before an uncle, i am still extremely happy for my little sister and can’t wait to see both her and little baby Reese. on and the baby looks delicious :P

that leads me to my next and final topic. Father’s Day.

as many of my friends know, and probably the strangers who might’ve read my past entries, i’m not a terribly big fan of my father. be that as it may, he is still my father and i do love him. and the past couple years, i’ve had fairly annoying/worrying idea related to this. that worry is “when am i going to be a father?” i’m not in a relationship or anything so it’s not going to happen anytime soon but i sure as hell ain’t getting any younger. and yes, in the past i have griped about me being lonely and alone and all that “fun stuff.” the past few years, since my last real entry, i think i’ve just gotten so used to being alone that i’ve become a loner. and it doesn’t really bother me to be honest. i’ve accepted it. and i don’t want that to sound like i’ve given up hope or anything...it’s just that i have so many other things to worry about that relationships are far from my focus. still though...there’s a part of me that wants a family of my own. i’m not really sure i can say why...i mean given my neuroses about relationships and starting a family... wait i guess i should explain that...

some of my neuroses about relationships and such is that i’m more of the relationship type of guy. i’m not the type of guy that tries to get a girl in the sack or anything...i’m actually interested in relationships. some sort of real emotional attachment with someone that is beneficial to both me and significant other where we “complete each other.” yes that does sound corny but it’s what i’d like. not saying it won’t happen but not saying it will either...not exactly like that. no one’s perfect, especially me. there is good and bad to every one and every thing. the aspect of starting my own family, as much as i’d like to, also terrifies me. why? because i didn’t exactly have the best childhood. yes, i’m aware i’m not the only one. there are plenty of people who have been through similar or worse. but the last thing i want is for any of my children to grow up in a broken home. i’ve been there. my childhood was primarily spent alone. i lived with my paternal grandparents, i was clothed, fed, and had a roof over my head. but no one talked to me. no one asked me how school was or what was going on or what girls i liked or anything. the only things said to me usually had to deal with a meal being ready and my grandmother telling me what i couldn’t/shouldn’t do. i kinda feel like i grew up in an orphanage. maybe that’s too harsh for me to say and maybe insulting to some...but i think that’s how i feel. i can’t say for sure since i’ve never been in an orphanage but at the same time my father wasn’t around for me to talk to and i didn’t even talk to my mother until i was 18. i was so alone back then. the only thing i had was TV and video games. that was my only interaction with anything outside of school. video games were my friends and family at home...they were my teachers, my playmates, my escape. i think i turned out ok despite all that but when it’s time for me to be a father, i want to be there as much as i can...hopefully also with a wife to also be with the child/children in order to love them, care for them, guide them, teach them, listen to them, etc.

i was really struck by this because of the question i saw when i logged onto livejournal today. “What is your fondest childhood memory of your father or grandfather?” my fondest memory of my father was every occasion he would take me to the movies as a child. i’m talking like the ages from 4-7 before he moved out. he’d come home from work, a bit tired, and ask me if i wanted to go see a movie. naturally i said yes and so we went...into manhattan, into times square, to watch movies. i specifically remember one time he tried to take me to see Robocop just when it came out in the theaters. i was 5 at the time and it was the night before my birthday, i was going to turn 6. the lady at the ticket booth refused to allow my father to buy a ticket for me because i was “too young” and the minimum age for the movie was 6. he argued with the lady for i don’t even know how long. i think we either just went to another theater showing it or saw something else...i can’t remember that much. but i had fun back then with my father. as for the fondest memory of my grandfather, it was one time at a field trip during elementary school. we went to the Bronx Zoo i think. it was a place with a twisty tube slide or something and i seem to remember it being at the Bronx Zoo, maybe in a play area. it was so long ago i don’t quite remember. in any case, i went down the twisty tube slide thing and my grandfather was right behind me...or so i thought. he had a few issues with walking after a medical condition around that time, so he walked very slow, he ended up getting partially stuck for a minute in the slide but eventually came out...kinda funny now that i think back on it. but the fact that he was willing to follow me down that slide regardless of his physical condition...a very fond memory. i wonder...hope...that one day quite a few people will have fond memories of me as a father...as a grandfather...and just maybe, a great grandfather.

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congratulations on getting to this point. it’s a tough read and much longer than expected even if it is still an abridged version. i mean it does cover almost 3 years of time and only the special notes and some observations. can you imagine what it would’ve been like fully explained? christ, what a nightmare that would’ve been...probably would’ve stopped after the first paragraph. oh and yes i’m well aware that my page needs work...the site i was using to host all my pictures decided to shut down and not notify anyone about it at all. useless...

post comments at your leisure. feel free to tell me what you think and don’t be afraid to say what you feel. for just such an occasion, i will be screening all comments and WILL REVEAL THEM UNLESS SPECIFICALLY ASKED NOT TO...so be sure to note that you would not like your comments to be publicly available in any comments that you post. kthx. til next time which will be sooner than you expect.